Almost 120 days sober!

So X-mas is over and  I am still not out of the woods...its a very difficult time for many in recovery and I am no different, to tell the truth I almost said to hell with it...the pain is just to great, while I am holding on to my little bit of clean time others are going on with their lives and really dont give a good god damn either way. You know if you know someone is is trying to recover from addiction, depression or whatever don't take it for granted that they got it, cause its a daily sometimes minute by minute struggle and being clean not always its own reward sometimes its just a constant reminder of all the harm I've cased and maybe just maybe I'll never be forgiven and maybe I shouldn't but who knows...I know that today I don't invoke harm on anyone intentionally, and I do not try to hurt anyone intentionally, so all you out there that think you got the market cornered on hard-luck stories... well I was a practicing addict once...Whats your excuse for being an asshole?! Merry xmas to all of you who decided I didn't deserve a good wish...I love you anyway. HO,HO,HO merry x-mas!!! (Check out the link)

      Well the first week at job search is going well, I've found that being honest and straight forward about my situation has been a double edged sword, there are many, and I mean really the majority... of potential recruiters and employers have been open and seemed  eager to help especially at Remedy Staffing. I got an interview this week! (wish me luck) So I am also learning that in this technologically advanced era that the face to face interaction is all but gone the deal now is a digital resume with lots and lots of key words in it. Lol! So with that in mind I'll keep making little goals and keep my positive affirmations up and I know that a blessing for me is just around the corner ...God Bless
     

PHASE 2
Get a job, that's right its that time tomorrow I get cut loose to find employment so that I can contribute to my up-keep I'm so very grateful to Bridges for the support I've received and yes, you can actually teach an old dog some new tricks so... now about the job! if anyone has any hot leads I'm willing to do what ever as long as its a legitimate tax paying position I've got tons of experience in all types of construction and light industrial (factory) work, so if you know of something please, please email me at tlsteele2011@gmail.com asap thank you and god bless.

Well its been a few days I been working hard at doing the assignments and trying to live harmoniously with 22+ other men who have pretty much the same issues as me. At times it has been stressful (almost everyday) other times has been really productive and I have become aware of many things about myself that I either didn't know or didnt want to know so I have shifted gears a little and am exploring new ways to express anger, hurt and frustration. Not to mention my big ones guilt and shame. Overall our little community is a positive safe environment and the staff here are top notch. The thing I come to realize today is that when a new guest is on the other side, (that being the Polk County Jail) they are enthusiastic and grateful for a chance, then when they get here and start the introspection all of a sudden they want to start changing things about the program lol it is kind of funny anyway I hope this helps someone. If this is you laugh with me....

So today was a great day I had thanksgiving dinner with my "Bridges brothers and sisters" re-connected with an old friend and another old friend was actually a speaker after the dinner . It was inspirational, motivating and gave me a lot of hope for my own future. I also looked up a couple cool things on pinterest I thought I would share...   
 

          So today the theme was how to communicate with others in certain social situations to protect myself from possible relapse and to avoid being ensnared in criminal behavior. It was a good group and there were lots and lots of suggestions both good and ridiculous, lol but it all comes back to me letting you (my friends and family) know that I am not a mere social user and will not ever be and all that entails. Simple huh?